


Past things

by J0shua



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Anxiety, Army, Bromance, Drama, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, Fear, Friendship, Gay Sex, George O'Malley Lives, Graphic Description, M/M, Non-Canon Relationship, Non-Canonical Violence, Panic Attacks, Past Relationship(s), Platonic Relationships, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Torture, Psychological Trauma, Rage, Same-Sex Marriage, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-12 00:21:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28626417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/J0shua/pseuds/J0shua
Summary: After five years serving as a military surgeon in Iraq, George O'malley disappears after an attack on his unit and's pronounced dead after the end of searchers. Six years later he's found alive. Now, back in Seattle, much remains to be resolved.
Relationships: Alex Karev/George O'Malley, Alex Karev/Jo Wilson, Arizona Robbins/Callie Torres, Lexie Grey/Mark Sloan, Meredith Grey/Derek Shepherd, Miranda Bailey/Ben Warren
Comments: 8
Kudos: 44





	1. Surprise?

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not very good with synopses, so try to reveal it. I also don't know much about the military, wars or things like that. So I took the liberty of writing this on the basis of mixed thinking with some not very deep research on the subject. I know less than enough to become a layman. I hope it doesn't irritate anyone.
> 
> I took the liberty of writing some things without being sure if they really are like that in real life, but what would a fanfic be without a little fantasy?
> 
> And, before I start, I must warn you that my first language isn't English. Therefore, forgive me for very rude errors in grammar or errors of agreement.
> 
> Now, shall we start with the fun part?

_Shock. That was the right word to describe what they were feeling._

  


_Denial. It was what they were doing. Denying._

  


_Rage. Everyone was angry. Anger at themselves. George's anger. Anger at the soldier who broke the news._

  


_Despair. That was how they felt now. Although they found it more appropriate to hide everything behind an unreal calm in the face of the situation._

  


Hope. They clung to it. In the background. everyone had hope. I hope that one day Louise will return to the hospital to say that George O'malley was found alive and well.

  


_Patience. A virtue that was lacking._

  


_Time. Tortuous. Slow. Time is merciless._

  


_Rage. The result of your fear and despair. The result of being tired of hearing that they apologize, but there is still no sign of George's whereabouts._

  


After eight months of searching, _Mrs. O'malley_ was back at the hospital. Richard has been warned. He gathered everyone in his office so they could hear about _George_.

  


The woman was sitting, nervously playing with the leather handles of her purse as she thought carefully about how to tell them.

  


"W-well..." Louise started, letting out a bitter sigh, "An _officer_ came to me this morning." She stopped, looking at the floor with empty eyes.

  


_The mood was heavy. Keyed up_.

  


"They said that..." Another sigh. "They said they _suspended_ the _search_." Louise finished with difficulty.

  


"What? Why?" _Callie_ was the first to ask.

  


"T-they said that..." The woman took a deep breath. Each word felt like a stab in the chest, right in the heart. "S-said they had reason to..." Another pause. Heavens, how difficult it was. "R-reasons to believe that _Georgie_ is... I-is... _D-dead_."

  


Silence. It was as if the air had escaped them. It was as if any movement they made would trigger horrible pain.

  


Louise took a velvety dark blue box from her bag. With tears in her eyes and some difficulty, she opened it. Inside the box were George's nameplates, with some information about him engraved on the metal.

  


Alex could feel it when the air left his lungs. He was static. It couldn't be true. It must be an mistake. How could they be so sure? How could they know? And how could Mrs. O'malley be content with one guess? All of these questions revolved in his mind as Karev tried to process everything that was going on.

  


  


Suddenly, flashes of memory hit Alex, like a speeding car. Memories hitherto left aside by him of what had happened years ago, when they were still mere interns trying to cope with constant pressure and at the same time having to convince their superiors about their ability to assist in an incredible surgery.

  


Alex closed his eyes tightly, pushing away all those thoughts. He remained silent, just like everyone else. He knew that, like him, everyone had questions for Louise. Questions that would be considered inappropriate. They're probably angry. In the end, anger always emerges to hide the pain that we are too proud to admit that we feel.

  


  


Alex was rambling. His body was there, involved in that situation, but his mind was far away. She was somewhere else away from the hospital. Away from Seattle. He thought of everything and nothing. He was static to the point of not paying attention to his own weighings. An indescribable sensation that only who has experienced can identify. And Alex knows her very well.

  


Mrs. O'malley went home. Alex felt like he had an obligation to offer a ride, but he didn't. Callie did. She offered to take Louise home, but she refused. She said her didn't mind calling a taxi.

  


  


As soon as Mrs. O'malley left, Meredith left the room angrily, followed by Cristina and Derek. Bailey sat down, ecstatic. Lexie left, followed by Mark. Callie left too. She held back her tears while Arizona followed her with concern. Owen and Alex left the room slowly, a few seconds apart. Richard and Bailey spun back. Nobody said a word.

  


_Alex walked aimlessly, until he stuffed himself in a supply closet. He needed to weigh. Everyone needed._

  


  


  


_And six years have passed._

  


  


Alex was sitting on the couch in the break room drinking his coffee while listening to Meredith complain about something he wasn't paying attention to. _Apparently it would be a long day._

  


  


Owen entered the room, agitated. " _Bailey is calling us to her office_." He said, attracting curious looks. "Did she say why?" Meredith questioned, crossing her arms. - No, but it seems important. _Mrs. O'malley_ is here. And the _army_ too.

  


Alex freezes when he hears that name that was left out years ago. Her heart sped up. What would _Louise_ be doing here? And why did the army come? What the hell was going on?

  


  


As soon as they entered the room, they came across a tall man wearing an army uniform, next to _Louise_ , who was sitting in the same chair of _six years ago_. Beiley was rambling in his chair when he sighed deeply before trying to explain _what was going on_.

  


" _Mrs. O'malley_ came here to... W-well, she..." Bailey didn't know how to say. Louise took this as an indirect request for her to speak up. "The _army_ contacted me this morning." She started.

  


  


Louise gave the soldier next to her a subtle look, which instantly began to speak. "Last week one of our units was sent to fight some rebels in the vicinity of Baghdad. During the containment, five of our men were found who were taken prisoner of war. We believe that one of them may be _George O'malley_ , but he is without identification."

  


_Shock. It was how they felt. It was as they were. In shock. Like six years ago._

  


  


But Alex was not as hopeful as the others. It was unlikely that, after six years, George would simply show up somewhere near Baghdad. Not after the search is over. Not after he was declared dead. He was dead. Legally dead. There was a tomb with his name, although there was no body to bury. And he knew Owen thought so.

  


"And... How... Where is he? H-how does he..." Bailey gasped, getting his answer anyway. "He is in a military hospital in Iraq. He will be transferred with the others to the United States in five days." The man answered.

  


  


"Can you transfer him to this hospital?" Owen asked.

  


  


"Yes. But first we need to confirm that it is him. When we are sure that we have made no mistake, he can be transferred to Seattle."

  


  


_Alex was right. That day would be really long._


	2. Seriously?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone has different feelings about this whole story. Alex and Owen are not very hopeful. Meredith is furious. But everyone wants to know: is that really O'malley?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at me here again! Again: I'm not good with synopses / summaries, so don't judge me. Anyway, I hope you like it! And again, forgive any mistakes. Feel free to correct me if necessary :)

The news that George O'malley might be alive spread quickly through the hospital. Arizona called Callie and told her. Meredith took charge of telling Cristina.

Alex thought about calling Izzie, but I didn't want to give her hope and then have to see her be disappointed when he found out it was a mistake.

The whole day was marked by whispers, rumors and tiredness. Everyone was overwhelmed.

Alex went to the break room, coming across an angry Meredith. Angry.

"What's the problem?" Alex asked, his fatigue showing in his tone. He felt stupid for asking such an obvious question.

"I'm tired. I'm stressed and I'm furious." Meredith screamed. Alex blew out a breath. She was not very direct.

"I don't know!" Meredith shouted. "I think... This whole situation. This story. George being alive, the inmates causing problems... I'm tired. And when I'm tired I get angry."

"If it's any consolation, I think we all are." Alex said, making Meredith think. "Did you tell Izzie?" She questioned him. Alex already expected her to do so.

"Not." He replied, ready for judgments and more questions. "Why? You know she'll be furious if she is the last to know."

"And she will also be disappointed if that isn't O'malley. Meredith, you know it could be a mistake. You know it might not be him. And you know how devastated Izzie would be." Alex replied. As soon as he finished speaking, silence fell between them.

_And so the next few days passed. Uncertain. Full of doubts._

Three days later, everyone was called to Bailey's office.

"What's up? Have you heard anything yet? Did you manage to identify it?" Meredith fired.

"Yes. We were notified this morning. Fortunately they managed to identify him and confirmed the suspicions that that soldier was really George. He should be transferred to our care within two days." Bailey said, unable to hide how happy she was to be able to say these words.

Alex was static. But for the first time, he liked that. He liked. He was happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! See you soon :)


	3. Pressure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> George is transferred to Gray Sloan, but Alex and Meredith feel too overwhelmed to deal with the situation directly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello readers! I may have taken a while and I may have displeased you with that short chapter, but you shouldn't rush the art haha. I just needed and time to think.
> 
> I did a little more research for this chapter and also for the next, so I think the information here is as close to the reality as I could write. I hope it looks good, lol.
> 
> Now, no more curling. Let's have fun!

Alex and Meredith were sitting on the stretcher, in the same place where they had been together for years.

"We're terrible friends." Meredith said, frustrated.

Five days have passed since George O'malley was transferred to Gray Sloan. Alex and Meredith have been on call the whole time, but they haven't been to see him once since he arrived. Alex knew that Meredith felt guilty about it, and in a way, he did too.

"We're bad friends. Bad people." Meredith stammered, receiving a protest from Maggie. Alex hadn't even noticed her before. "You aren't bad friends. Nor are you bad people." She said, not sounding very convincing.

"We haven't seen him in ten years. We spent six years thinking he was dead. And now he's here, a few runners away and we haven't even come close!" She said, looking angry at herself.

"Then why don't you go over there and see him?" Maggie asked.

"I... I don't know! Just... I don't know, it looks... weird." Meredith babbled.

"Well, you can sit there and whine or you can take these asses up to his room and see how he's doing. He's still unconscious, so there's no way to make this situation more embarrassing than it already is." Maggie said.

Meredith sighed, nodding silently. She stood up next to her sister, looking at Alex. "You come?" She asked, already wondering what the answer would be. Alex stood up, silently answering the question.

Alex followed, just a few steps behind. It didn't take long for them to get to George's room.

Alex stood there, studying him from a distance. Both he and Meredith had their eyes fixed on him, studying, analyzing. Memorizing every single detail they could see clearly.

George was very different from his memories. It wasn't the same George from years ago. His face had some old scars, as well as new ones and also some recent bruises. As far as they could tell, he had lost a lot of weight, but he also appeared to have gained more muscle mass since the last time they saw each other (which was to be expected). His arms had scars of different ages as well. His hands looked worn. Calloused. This isn't to mention the fact that he (obviously) had aged. It was strange to see him so different. But there were still things they could only discover when George woke up (something that can take time to happen).

Alex's mind fled from there, wandering through the memories of that night. He shook his head, pushing those thoughts away. This was no time for that.

Maggie took out her tablet to read his chart. She knew that both Alex and Meredith wanted to know exactly what had happened to George, but neither of them had the courage to read.

"The main injuries are summarized in a subdural hematoma, some broken ribs, a transtibial amputation of the left leg, internal bleeding, a fractured collarbone and a broken arm." Maggie paused, choosing not to read the rest.

After a few moments of silence, Owen entered the room.

"I need to talk to you both. It is important, and I think it would be better if we went to a more private place." He said, looking calmer than usual.

Alex, Meredith and Owen were in the break room, sitting together around the table. The ex-soldier cleared his throat before starting to speak. "Amelia told me that they treated O'malley's subdural hematoma while he was still in the military hospital, and that since there were no complications, he should wake up tomorrow. So I thought it would be better to have this conversation with you now."

"Go to the point." Alex said, watching the other sigh. "As you already know, they find O'malley in a city dominated by a militia outside Baghdad. He was held captive there for years and was almost dead when they found him." Owen paused, thinking for a while before talking again. "And, well, they aren't usually very kind to their prisoners of war. They torture and interrogate. It's... horrible. And I'm telling you this because tomorrow, when George wakes up, he'll be confused and probably be scared. He has been unconscious most of the time since he was found, so he is likely to think he is still in Iraq. You will have to help calm him down tomorrow, because he can get aggressive or panic."

And they were silent again. The whole situation was extremely uncomfortable. Embarrassing. Alex just wanted to get out of there. Breathe a little. Get rid of that feeling of being suffocated. Under pressure.

"Well, just be there. He'll like to see some familiar faces, anyway." Owen stammered, getting up to leave them alone in the room.

"What do you have in mind?" Alex asked on a sigh. "Tequila." Meredith replied, directly. "Me too." Alex said, leaving next to her. They really needed a few drinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! I hope you enjoyed today's chapter. I don't promise anything about the next one when it comes to dates, because I'm kind of busy with some things, but I should have some time soon to be able to increase the flow of posts (or at least try).
> 
> Anyway, for now, that's all. I hope to see you soon :)


	4. Awake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> George wakes up, and Alex doesn't know how to face him. Callie goes back to Seattle. Karev and O'malley need to have a conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! It's good to be here updating this story. I confess that I needed time to decide how to structure this chapter, until I finally got it. I decided to take a path that will probably lead us to a longer story than I had in mind, but I believe that this isn't a problem for me and much less for you, lol
> 
> Anyway, let's to the point. Enjoy this chapter :)

Alex didn't really wake up until after his first cup of coffee. He had spent the entire night drinking with Meredith. It was a tremendous effort not to be late. Amelia said that since there were no complications in George's postoperative period, he should wake up in the morning or, at most, in the afternoon. Owen had been very clear yesterday. They should be there and try to make things easier for him.

"Morning." Maggie said, entering the break room to help herself with some coffee. "You guys suck." She commented.

"Thanks." Meredith replied.

Mrs. O'malley was already there. She knew that George should wake up soon. Alex avoided going to see him while she was in the room. Not that he had anything against Louise. He just found the whole situation a bit... embarrassing.

The morning passed quickly and George was still unconscious. That was until Alex was called up to his room with Meredith.

"Ah, how nice of you to arrive. I thought you guys would like to explain to him." Amelia said, casting a look at Meredith and then at Alex.

"Right..." Alex murmured and Meredith nodded.

"Well, I'm going to leave you alone." Amelia said awkwardly, then left the room and closed the door.

"George, do you remember what happened?" Meredith asked after a while in silence.

"Do you mean Baghdad? Yes, I remember. Well, at least part of what happened." He replied. His voice was hoarse and a little groggy.

Alex cleared his throat before he started to speak. "They rescued you and took you to a military base. When they managed to identify you, your mother asked them to transfer you here."

George sighed. "I... It's good to see you." He said, awkwardly. Meredith and Alex nodded. "It's nice to see you too." Meredith said, smiling.

Soon Bailey came into the room with a smile on her lips. "How are you doing?" She asked.

"Fine. I think." George replied. Bailey came over, giving him a small hug. "I missed you, idiot." She murmured.

"I missed you too." He murmured.

Alex didn't know exactly what to say. The situation was extremely embarrassing for him, and probably for George too. That is, if he remembers what happened that night. There is a possibility that he forgot. Honestly, Alex is hoping he doesn't remember. If he were religious, he would certainly be praying for it.

Bailey did some exams before sitting down next to the bed. Meredith did the same, sitting on the opposite side. Alex didn't move a muscle or make eye contact.

Silence settled over the room. What do you say in a situation like this? _I mean_ , what do you say to a _former soldier_ who just woke up for the first time since he was rescued from _captivity?_ No one there knew the answer, so they were silent.

Everyone was hoping that someone would come in and get them out of this uncomfortable situation. Owen maybe? He would certainly _know what to do_. _What to say_.

Well, someone _heard your prayers_. It was not Owen who came in the door. It was _Callie_.

"Hey, how's he doing?" She asked, flustered.

"I'm ok, I _guess_." George replied. Only then did Callie realize that he was awake.

" _Oh God_ , you're awake!" She said, approaching. Like Bailey, Callie hugged him.

"I missed you so much." She said, her eyes wet with unshed tears. Alex didn't quite understand the bond they had. Not after their marriage ended that way. But if there's one thing Alex has learned over the years in Seattle, it's that he doesn't know anything about relationships of any kind. And maybe he won't even learn.

"I missed you too. It's great to see you again." George murmured. They broke the hug, followed by a little more silence.

And then, Owen arrived. _Finally_.

"If you don't mind, I wish I could talk to him alone for a moment." He said, a little tense. Everyone agreed and left, _leaving_ them.

Later, George's mother went to see him (obviously accompanied by his _loud_ and _disagreeable_ brothers). They left to home at night.

Owen and George had a _long conversation_ before that. Callie _spent the day_ in the hospital, leaving Sofia with Meredith's children (in Arizona's care).

Alex, however, was the least who had spent time with George. As much as he didn't want to make things weird, they needed to deal with it. Otherwise, everything would be worse for both.

He waited until George was alone to enter the room. He closed the door, stopping in front of the bed.

" _Hey_." George said.

" _Hey_." Alex said, staying silent before letting out a breath.

"You know. _We need to talk_." Alex fired. Finally he made eye contact with George, watching him face the floor. Keyed up.

"Yeah. _We need do it_." He replied.

_It would be a long conversation._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It wasn't too long, but I intend to make the next one bigger. It may take longer than this to get ready, so I hope you don't mind.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed. See you soon :)


	5. Reliving the past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex relives some memories and finally builds up the courage to call Izzie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for taking so long to update. I'll try to write more often, but I don't promise anything lol
> 
> Anyway, I hope you like it :)

"Look, about this..." Alex starts, being abruptly interrupted.

"Alex, I understand that you want to clarify things, but there is nothing to be said. Besides, I really don't want to talk about it right now." George said, visibly tired. Alex pondered. It really wasn't a good time. He doubted the existence of a "right time", however.

"I just don't want things to get weird." Alex said.

"They won't." George replied.

* * *

Alex was sitting there, holding his cell phone. He needed to call. He even asked Meredith to do this, but she made it very clear: it was he who needed to do this. And deep down, Alex knew. But he did not stop feeling angry at his friend, however.

Alex sighed. That's what he did, right? He pushed the responsibilities until there was no choice but to face them. Perhaps he had not matured as much as he thought. Perhaps he was still very much like that first year intern who irritated others just for fun.

Perhaps. But he couldn't act like that for long. Then he took a deep breath and dialed Izzie's number.

It wasn't just about him. It was about George. About Meredith. Shit, it was about Izzie too. Still, it was about Alex. About the marriage that went wrong. About your problems. About everything.

Alex created a life for Izzie. A life where she got married, had children and worked in a clinic. A happy life. Perfect. A life without him. A life without cancer. An illusion that served to exempt him from the guilt he carried. And Alex feared that with just one phone call from him he would be disappointed with the bare reality.

Even so, he dialed that damn number and waited for what seemed like forever, until a sweet (but tired) voice answered it.

"Hello?" Izzie called. Alex took a few seconds to respond.

"Hi, Izzie." Alex said, a little awkwardly.

"Alex?" Izzie asked. "How long... Did something happen?" She asked, concern in her voice.

"Yes, actually, yes." He replied, thinking about what to say. "It's about George."

"George? What-"

"He's alive."

* * *

Alex was nervous. Izzie was due to arrive at the hospital around two in the afternoon. She bought tickets on the internet and embarked in the morning.

He has avoided seeing George since his "conversation" yesterday. But he was informed of his condition.

Alex decided to put his worries aside and focus more on his work.

He was looking after a nine-year-old boy who needed a heart transplant. He was at the top of the line, but there was still no heart for him. They needed to think of a way to keep it running without a transplant. And when I say "them", I mean an Alex full of things to worry about and a Maggie wanting to know what was making him so distracted.

"I was thinking about a ventricular assist device. It's a temporary solution, but it should be enough until he does the transplant." Maggie said, sighing when she saw that Alex's head was elsewhere.

"Alex, what happened?" She asked, crossing her arms when she received only "nothing" as an answer. "You know I won't take a lie for an answer." She said sternly.

"It's just... Izzie is coming and... I don't know. I'm just thinking about some nonsense from the past. Nothing much." Alex vented, making Maggie happy when she finally got a decent answer.

"I found a donor!" The boy exclaims excitedly. He was even more excited when he saw the face of his superiors light up at the news.

"Seriously?" The two questioned in unison. "Yes! A nine-year-old boy died of a brain death after hitting his head in a car accident and the family agreed to donate the organs." The intern explained. Although his excitement was questionable, since he was narrating a fatality.

"You did well, glasses." Alex said, giving him a pat on the back. "Now they call me a blood bank." Levi jokes, following them out of the room.

* * *

After five exhausting hours in the OR, they finally finished the transplant.

As he left the room, Alex looked at his watch, seeing that Izzie should have arrived by now. He sighed, texting Meredith asking where they were.

\- _Yes, Alex. It's time to deal with your problems_. - He thought, walking lazily towards the cafeteria.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive any mistakes. I hope it looks good
> 
> See you soon :)


	6. Numb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Izzie returns to Seattle. Alex decides to face his past head-on, starting with his cold, painful memories of when George died.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, readers! Guess who's back! 
> 
> Yes, I know it took me a long (long time) to update here, but I needed to think about what exactly to write about. It's not easy when you think of countless new stories and can barely focus on finishing the one you were already writing.
> 
> Anyway, forgive me for this. Enjoy the chapter (which maybe, just maybe, was sadder than expected) :)

Alex shuddered at the sight of the long blond hair, belonging to the woman he had avoided for years. She was standing right there, talking distractedly with her old friend, but she still looked worried and apprehensive. It was expected, of course. Still, Alex was even more nervous about talking to Izzie.

He approached, still half-excited. _He couldn't run away anymore._

_He had to face his past, even if he didn't want to._

And then, before he could realize it himself, there he was: standing next to Izzie and Meredith, trying to formulate a length fast enough so that the situation wouldn't get more awkward.

"Hey, Alex." Izzie greeted him, since if she didn't say anything, Alex wouldn't either. It wasn't hard to figure that out, after all, _Izzie knew him very well._

_Well, that's what she thought._

"Hey, Iz." Alex muttered in response, biting his tongue. He didn't know he was crossing some line by calling her by that nickname after so long. Still, he didn't correct himself or show his debt.

"So..." Meredith began to speak as soon as the mood became heavy and no one seemed to move. "I think we'd better go upstairs before visiting hours end." She concluded and they both silently agreed, following her to George's room upstairs.

When they got there, they found him sleeping, alone. His mother and brothers would probably arrive later, or else they had gone out to lunch. Whatever the alternative, it really didn't matter.

Izzie took the seat closest to the bed, located on the left. She instantly connected her hands with his, looking at him sadly, but hopefully. Maybe even happy. For a brief moment Alex found himself wondering what was going on in her head at that moment.

He pushed these thoughts aside, leaning on the closed door as he watched George. He felt strange for only noticing him while he was unconscious -just sleeping, Alex-. Maybe all that discomfort followed by embarrassment he had previously felt toward his _friend_ was gone. Well, he hoped so.

He took the opportunity to read his chart. Ignoring some significant damage that still needed to be treated more carefully, George was stable. Good. Alive.

Hell, he would never have thought to put all that into the same sentence a few months ago. Because George _was dead._

Yes, he was. Now he was right in front of you, breathing and sleeping. Probably having some silly dream or some dark nightmare. Something in between these two extremes. Alex was surprised at the way things had turned out.

But then Alex began to delve into his thoughts. He caught himself pondering what the last few years had been like for George. They certainly weren't like vacations in the Caribbean. That frightened him. When O'malley enlisted, everyone made jokes and nasty comments to express how absurd it sounded to imagine him as a solider. It was even more absurd to imagine him as a combat veteran. A survivor. It was simply absurd and frightening at the same time.

_But then he left for Iraq. And then he died._

_Absurd._

_Scary._

And then Alex caught himself remembering how he reacted. How he felt. What he did.

_He caught himself remembering when George died._

* * *

_As the room slowly became empty, Alex felt it was time to leave._

_He felt lost. Stunned. Numb._

_Unlike his colleagues -or not-, he didn't know how to react. Should he cry? Get angry? Ignore? Break some plaster in orthopedics knowing he would have to clean it up later?_

_Alex didn't know. There were rare moments when he didn't know how to act, because he was Alex. He would just freak out or ignore it. He would joke or become dark and twisted -much like Meredith used to do-. He was just that. Two extremes. There was no middle ground. There was no middle ground. Because Alex Karev is one thing._

_But he hadn't felt this way since George left for Iraq, with a vague promise to return and to visit Seattle whenever possible._

_Deaths were not part of the package. Or disappearances after being sent to the combat zone._

_It was not in the plans. And, although he didn't give that impression, Alex hated it when things didn't go as planned._

_Alex, still numb from the news, climbed up to the terrace, perching on the security railing as he looked down. Snowflakes slowly dominated his vision, spreading gracefully everywhere. Tears stubbornly dripped down the length of his chilled skin, parched from the strong cold winter wind blowing against his face._

_He looked intently at different corners of the city, and could see ambulances arriving at the hospital, cars walking down the street, one or another airplane tearing through the skies, and also, the citizens of Seattle living their lives._

_George died, but the world didn't stop. The earth kept spinning. On the clock on his wrist, the hours continued to tick by._

_However, for Alex, everything stopped. Numbness took over as the Earth went off axis, stopping spinning around the Sun and itself, remaining stationary in space, only to freeze that moment._

_The moment his -don't be silly, Alex, he was never his - George abandoned him. The moment when Seattle was covered with the first snow of the year, while Alex's face was covered with the first tears he shed on George's behalf._

_Warm tears trickled down, dripping under the railing, melting the thin layer of ice that hadn't even formed properly under the frigid surface._

_Alex felt a shaky sob escape from between his lips. Suddenly, he had been struck by a memory of George as if he had been hit by a bus._

_He remembered how George loved winter. Especially the snow. He liked the rain too, but he would always prefer the snow._

_It was ironic, but Alex was not at a good time to think about the injustices of life or how it likes to make a fool of us._

_He just wanted to cry watching the snow. He didn't care about the cold or anything else. His pager rang, but he didn't answer._

_He was numb. The earth went off track. Gravity lost its effect. Time became irrelevant and powerless. And snow rested on him and on Seattle, watching closely how crazy everything had suddenly become._

_So yes, for Alex, crying and watching the snow was just fine._

* * *

Alex fiddled restlessly with his hair, sitting down on one of the seats in the room.

_He really didn't like how these memories made him feel._

_But it is part of facing the past._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we are at the end of another chapter, reader! I hope you enjoyed it, despite the sad theme. I didn't bring much about George at the moment, but as things happen, I promise to introduce his point of view and his personal problems in a subtle way. 
> 
> Anyway, see you soon :)
> 
> Note: Please comment and rate. It's very important to me.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, that's it for now. I hope you liked it! See you next time (which should be within the next five days)!


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